Why I Got Rid of My Spandex Cosplay Collection
Photo of Cesar Torres in their photo studio, shot in 2020. Copyright Cesar Torres
It's been a few years since I wrapped up my How to Kill a Superhero book series. The first book, A Gay Bondage Manual, was published in 2013, and the fourth and final book, Gold, in 2018. From 2013 through 2022, I generated thousands of photographs that explored my own Mexican identity, queerness, superhero and villain archetypes, and more. Through my work as a novelist and photographer, I explored my own identity while also taking a point of view about the stories of gay and queer folks who grew up with superheroes as a way to survive and validate ourselves.
About two years ago, I decided to retire my vast collection of superhero costumes. I effectively closed the chapter of my artistic and kinky life where I centered superhero cosplays. The principal reason I made this choice is because of my own personal growth. With my four How to Kill a Superhero books, I have said what I needed to say about both the positive and negative aspects of superhero obsession through a queer lens. And yet, I never lost my passion for my own personal superhero fetish, and it still thrives today. Superheroes are still a huge turn-on for me, but my artistic and kink focus has shifted into new projects like Our Lord of the Flowers.
I recall sitting inside my storage area in my photo studio in 2021, surrounded by plastic crates full of custom spandex suits, masks, tights, dance belts, boots, body paint, and visors, and realizing that this was no longer the right environment for me. I no longer wanted to curate such a large personal collection. By my count, I had about 50 custom suits, as well as many other garments, accessories, and custom pieces in storage. In total, my collection added up to something like 100 custom looks. So I decided to get rid of my collection.
Many of my readers and fans of my Pablo Greene persona often ask me what happened to my costume collection. Today, I answer that frequently asked question for you.
The Driver Behind the Change: Grief
It's important to share from the heart, and in my case, retiring my costume collection was a direct and healthy outcome of grief. Between 2020 and 2022, I experienced grief in multiple dimensions. The main source of grief was from having wrapped up the series of four HTKS books. I loved writing the books, but they also took a toll. I also experienced grief over world events—like the COVID epidemic, the brutality of American police, the further descent into fascism, and the declining reading habits of people.
My relationship to the archetypes of comic book heroes and villains had changed. The costumes still fit me like a glove, but the stories they contained no longer fit me. I wanted to move on not just as a person, but also as a collector. I wanted a certain type of freedom from myself.
Photo of Cesar Torres in their photo studio, shot in 2020. Copyright Cesar Torres
Sold Many Suits to My Readers
I sold most of my costumes to my readers at very low prices in my store. That was extremely fun, because each time I sold one, I got wonderful emails from readers who had purchased them. They loved the HTKS books, and I’m happy I was able to give them something they really wanted to remember the mutual journey we went on as artist and audience.
I Also Made Kink Gifts
In the world of kink and leather, gifting to younger or less experienced members is a well-known tradition. I gifted a few of my suits to folks who were just starting to experience the kink and leather community. Most of these gifts were accessories, like my Flash cowls, Spider-Man mask shells, and Shazam belts. I’m happy they went to good homes.
Many Things Went to the Trash
This is the most important aspect of what happened to my collection. The difference between being a collector and a hoarder can sometimes blur, and I was worried that I had so many costumes, yet I was no longer photographing them or wearing them in scenes or in public. As I sold off the best parts of my collection and gifted a few items to queer leather folks, I also found myself holding onto many bodysuits and superhero costumes that were too worn out to sell—just a lot of stuff.
So I made a final move that helped me the most: I threw out the remainder of my collection. This may sound sacrilegious to some, but this was my choice to make. I wanted a physical and symbolic transformation, and it was important to start with a clean slate.
To this day, I no longer have any superhero cosplays in my gear collection. I still have other items, and I still engage in superhero play with other kinksters, but I have truly moved on into my newest chapter.
What Happens Next Here on This Web Site?
I have thousands of archival images that I shot inside and outside of my photo studio. Over the next year, I will bring these images to you via this website, my newsletter, and also as digital photo packs for purchase. I’m not against modeling for new photos, but I don’t want to accumulate superhero skins the way Stefan Pendley collects them in the HTKS books.
For me, what matters most is that my novels explored Roland and the Golden Man, and I have the closure I need now that the book series remains in the marketplace and readers continue to find community here on this website.
